the inner workings of a queer mind..

The Man Inside of Us - A Personal Tribute to Michael Jackson

2009-07-09T04:03:00.006+08:00

it was not as if i ever considered myself a michael jackson fan in the first place. i grew up on a generation filled with boybands and girl groups. i never experienced the awe and fanaticism over him, not in the way most grown-ups did.. and as i sat transfixed on the TV in the wee hours of the morning last night waiting for the live coverage of the king's memorial service from the usa, i thought to myself, "what am i doing here?"

flipping through channels that showcase his legendary musical career, personal struggles and minor victories, i debated over myself if i should just call it quits and head to bed or stay in my place.. "should i be watching this?" "is this worth losing my precious sleep?" what did he ever do to make me feel compelled to watch and pay my last respects to him, through a tv screen halfway around the globe?" on and on these thoughts kept tugging at my mind as i sat there.. and then i took the remote, my decision was made.. i was ready to turn off the tv.. BUT I COULDN'T.. and then i got it.

why i couldn't just walk away even if i thought i wanted to, even if i thought i had no business waiting in the middle of the night for the last glimpse of MJ..

i never considered myself a fan, because to me he was not the glamorous king of pop, nor the weird and insane persona that most tabloids made him out to be.. to me, he was a friend.. when i am happy, he's there. when i feel sad, he's there. when i need to lift my spirits, he's there. and even when i'm thinking of giving up, he's there.. talking to me, telling me through his wonderful music and lyrics to hang on and live to fight another day.. his voice is like that of a caring father, a loving friend, a doting mother. full of concern, of sweetness, of love, and of understanding.. i need not open myself up to him, but he always seemed to understand, to have the right words, the right advice for whatever struggle i was facing.. from the superficial to the emotional, there is not one emotion that michael jackson ever felt that he did not share out to his fans.. and for that, he made his songs and messages all the more closer to our hearts..

his songs commiserate with us, and we feel like he's talking specifically to us, because in truth, he was, afterall, in the same boat.. and those songs, his wonderful lyrics and poignant messages of hope were all a means for him to show us not just that he understands or feels the same way as we do, but more importantly, i think that it was his call for us to see, to understand, to feel, and to know that he too is human.

he too, feels emotions, he too, experiences sufferings, he too, deals with frustrations and tribulations, but at the end of it all, he too, is still filled with hope, and longing for the love and understanding that only a person who feels the same way as he do can ever understand..

michael jackson was every man inside of us. man or woman, young and old, black or white, and everything else in between.. michael jackson had always been in the hearts and souls of every single one of us who lived to hear his music.. he was so many things to many people.. a son, a brother, a father, a friend, an icon, an idol, an inspiration, an object of ridicule, a weirdo, and everything else in between..

to our grandparents and parents, he was a boy who grew up in front of their eyes, an energetic, charming little boy who melted and took their hearts with his crystal clear voice and undeniable talent, and like most parents, they feel the pain of having survived their "son".. for the people who grew up with him, who worshiped the ground he walked on, and were there to see that little boy turn into the king of pop, he was the voice of their generation, a brother who'd been taken away from them suddenly..to those of us who've been touched by his music, he was and will always be a friend who understands, and does not judge..and for that, michael will forever live in the hearts and minds of everyone who experiences his music..

and finally, to all the millions of michael jackson fans around the world who lived and breathed his music, he was THE legend, THe icon, and as was rightfully pointed out last night, he is, undeniably, THE GREATEST ENTERTAINER THAT EVER (AND WOULD PROBABLY EVER) LIVE..

cheers to you, monmon!

2009-06-09T12:45:00.002+08:00

well, at last,you're breaking the silence.. lol.. you've always had that inclination nman towards journalism and all the bile and toxicity that goes with politics.. here's to your success and more power! heheheh.. goodluck,monmon.. may you have 1million hits today.. lol mwah!

mafia wars on facebook

2009-05-06T01:14:00.002+08:00

argh! and so for many days, i sat here looking at my mafia wars job page with great frustration over the fact that i ran out of untraceable cellphones, and everybody else seems to need it at the same time.. i tried in vain to put it on my wishlist, hoping that some good samaritan or mafia member would take pity on me (as i've only been playing that game for almost a month) - to no avail.. everytime i look in my fb home page, i see my fellow mafias' wishlists bearing the same items as i put up..

and so i hatched a plan.. screw levelling up! i am going to try and find that loot item even if it means re-doing the jobs i've already mastered starting at the thug jobs.. idiot that i am, i spent nearly a week doing those same low-level jobs hoping to catch the elusive untraceable cellphone only to be frustrated at the outcome..

it wasn't until today, when i have almost given up (and been forced to swallow my pride for asking such a moronic question).. that i posted these infamous lines on my profile page, hoping to catch the attention of more advanced players who would probably have the an answer to my lamentations, er, questions..

"iS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN AFFORD TO SPARE ME AN UNTRACEABLE CELLPHONE?? THIS IS SO CRAZY.. I'VE EVEN RESORTED TO DOING THE ASSOCIATE AND SOLDIER JOBS JUST SO I CAN GET A LOOT DROP OF THESE THINGS - AND VOILA! NOTHING!!! ARRGH!!..

Join My Mafia: http://apps.facebook.com/inthemafia/status_invite.php?from=533209474"

and wouldn't you know it, in the blink of an eye.. there's the answer i've been looking for, and it read:

"hey...you can get them by doing the rob an electronics store job in the enforcer level...it takes your energy and sometimes you get other loot...but thats where you can get the phones at...=]"

"Do the rob an electronics store in the enforcer section. There you will loot cell phones as well as other items but the cell phones r there."

WELL, DUH!!! WHAT AN EPIPHANY! OF COURSE, THAT'S WHERE THEY ARE! AT AN ELECTRONICS STORE!..

i'm so pathetic! lol

first post after a year of hibernation..

2009-05-05T00:52:00.002+08:00

to be honest, i've almost given up on writing. mainly because i feel so uninspired most of the time that i rarely have the inclination or the passion to write something that is compelling or even remotely appealing to share with virtually anyone on the web. besides, that's what twitter's here for, anyway.

since graduating, my days have almost completely been overrun with monotony. and a serious case of boredom, coupled with the strong desire to lead a less monotonous and dreary day-to-day existence.